Things Fall Apart?

It was first the normal seconds of confusion that happen when you wake up in an unfamiliar place; how did I get here? Why does my body feel like a stranger's? What happened to my daughters. Oh no. Thinking about daughters brought all the memories back...

The problems started about six months into the marriage. We'd had a very eventful honeymoon and we carried it over when we got back from Dubai. We'd made no plans to hold off on kids, so Dink just couldn't get why I wasn't pregnant. He was never the crazy "I can't wait to be a daddy" kinda guy, heck! He’d once said that  kids were a barrier to living 'the good life.'  I was definitely furious at his statement and we fought for a bit. But that was before we got married, so when he started getting interested in kids after marriage, I thought maybe the husband thing had some 'Daddiness' to it.

Whatever the case, I wasn't pregnant and hadn't thought too much of it, as it had just been six months. Things happen right? Babies could want to take their time too. Or maybe God was just busy sculpting us the best baby ever.
I had to cope somehow. I could have gone grey with worry but I chose to see the the glass as half full. There was no need to focus on the emptiness. But Dink wouldn't have any of my optimistic crap. Not at all.

He started out slow and maybe even sweet. He'd come home waving a box of chocolate my way saying, "Babe, did the red sea part for this month?" trying to find out whether I was on my period and if I'd be able to eat chocolate, since I believed they worsened my cramps.  And when I replied in the negative  he'd wink and say "looks like I'll be eating them all, no need to worsen your cramps, baby."
 And then he went from asking about my period to wondering if I was taking pills, and then to talks about how he already got his sperm count checked and then hinting that I might be the problem.

I wasn't even mad. I was pretty happy that he'd had a change of heart and was warming up to prospect of having kids. Win-Win! But the big loss came on my birthday. Earlier, when I was a kind of late, which for my ever-timely period is huge. I hadn't said anything to Dink. I knew how sensitive the baby issue had become; I figured a false alarm wouldn't help matters.

Even when I was sure I was pregnant, I still didn't talk.


Hey! In case you haven't been following, it's the second part of a story I'm writing. See here for the first part:

Thanks for reading!

                                                                                           RIP Chinua Achebe


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