A few things to do if you're horny, but...

 Even better than the post below, is this awesome post I found on reviveourhearts.com. You can totally skip mine and read this instead... it's that good: Sexual Desire and the Single Girl (10 Tips for Purity)

A few things to do if you're horny, but you're not quite into flicking the bean, or for dudes, spanking the money. We win this one guys, flicking the bean sounds way cooler.
It would amaze you the amount of times I've googled such advice as I now give, as an experienced , hmm, what's my title, Self-Controller. That made more sense in my head. Rarely did I ever find a solution that made sense from a Christian point of view....or that I actually felt like implementing.  So in the paragraphs that follow, I'll be sharing some of my finds.

1) Not all of us like to run or do the physical exercise stuff that most blogs on this topic prescribe, but if it's your cup of tea, I guess you should go ahead and do this. You will certainly either feel the high that some people feel when they run, or watch certain parts of your body jiggle and be reminded of why you need to do this more often, or you'll whine all the way through and at the end be tired enough to fall asleep. Hopefully your body will  be able o focus on its more imminent need of providing you with strength while you exercise, and forget the raging signals to find a partner in crime bed.

2) You know that talent, interest, hobby or thing you've been meaning to work on? Yeah, that one. Work on it.  If you think you could be the next Patricia Bright, Cassey Ho,  Beyonce, Lecrae, Usain Bolt, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie,  or whatever you're gonna call yourself when you get awesome at your craft, go work on it. Especially if it's super unique or more accurately "weird", and you think the world might appreciate the breath of fresh air, hurry up and build it up! Guess who's taking her own advice as you read :D. Soon enough, you'll be telling us how you turned your unappreciated horniness into something else!

3) Sleep? Yeah. Do it. If you can.

4) Or watch cute baby videos. They're hilarious and adorable. It's a great distraction to watch babies figure out parts of life that you're so used to,- like when they try to walk into a glass door and can't understand why they can see through it but can't walk through it, when they taste lemons for the first time, and other things like that. This has to be the weirdest thing on the list. But try it, and let me know how it goes. Except you're a pedophile. If you are, there's hope for you. You own that body, so control it. Don't let it control you and please please get some help .5) Talk your mind out of it. If like me, your friends act shy like they aren't feeling the same things too and won't talk about the elephant between their legs, or on top of their neck, depending on what your theory of horniness is, then you'll need to conduct your own pep talks for yourself, by yourself, to yourself. It's really not that weird to talk to yourself. It starts like this: "not now horniness, not now". If you hold yourself to the Bible's standards, then say "I want to enjoy this with whoever I marry, when the time is right. But thanks for letting me know that things are working fine down there (or up there in the brain)". And then repeat until you believe it. Or until your mouth aches from saying it too many times.

6) Skip the sexy movies. Just do. And no, not just porn. I'm throwing in tumblr and t.v. shows. Yes, even those ones that only show the butts, the ones that show nothing but still give you the sound effects.  Your mind in this "heightened state" is more than able to fill in the gaps. Let's throw the show,"Shameless" out there as an example. If you're not familiar with either the British or American versions of the show, then I'll use another show, "Scandal" as an example. Somewhere between the perfect mix of mood setting songs, perfectly crafted romantic lyrics, bodies that were made to tempt (or rather angles that were filmed to tempt), there are way too many triggers working against you.
So what do I watch  now? Err... maybe watch Cinderella or cartoon or comedy? Hmm, I just thought about that on the spot, I shall try that in the future.

7) Go hang out with your friends, schedule coffee meet-ups. (Haha! I just imagined my friends now looking at me funny the next time I suggest we meet-up). Oh whatever, just embrace it! But really, it's even better if you have a Christian friend. You can work on a buddy-system. You have to be willing to be vulnerable with this person, knowing that you are fully accountable to someone is by itself a gate keeper. Hopefully this buddy won't be the type to screenshot your messages. Needless to say, be extremely selective about who you choose.

8) Know your triggers. Is there a certain Instagram account you find yourself going back to? Block it. Delete Instagram. Make your browser barn you from visiting Tumblr. Unfollow him, her, it, them. Are there days in your menstrual cycle when you find that you're overly aroused, like your body feels in the baby making mood? Keep extra busy on those days, plan to prevent excessive downtime.
These are the modern day interpretations of pluck out your eye if it causes you to sin. So go on, pluck it out and maintain purity.

9) Oh and be the friend who's okay with talking about stuff like this! Because for real, it's a necessary part of life. Ignoring it won't make it go away. And if you're a Christian, you know how annoyingly we can act like saints. Like even our poop is made of gold and we don't go through the same thing other people do. Just be willing to talk about stuff like this, okay?

10) Finally, experiment with your distraction mechanisms and come share with me what worked and didn't! I want to hear from you guys!
In the meantime (or maybe as #11), pray for Charleston. The killer too,  pray for him. Let's face it, he too is a candidate for Heaven, and can you just imagine how zealous for God he would be if he turned all that hate to love for God? Maybe he'd be on CNN making God famous! So pray for him people.

Until next time, deuces!Fopsy

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